Hashtag Why I Stayed

Why I Stayed

Why I Stayed is a hashtag and movement that was created by Beverly Gooden, an African American writer and activist who has focused on domestic violence and women's health. She recently visited Ohio University hosted by a number of organizations and departments including the student senate and the women's centre. Her talk was based on her twitter trending hashtag #WhyIStayed that has started many conversations, movements, and organizing around Gender Based Violence (GBV) and domestic violence. This blog will highlight the reasons why many women who've reported violence stayed and the contribution of families and friends in these instances.

We're seeing movements and hashtags like #MeToo and #WhyIStayed become the driving factor in addressing issues women face pertaining violence. 

To date many women have since come out to tell their stories when they experienced violence. Some have confessed to have stayed in these relationships for many years before they could even realize they were being abused and took them even longer to gain the courage to leave. Some of the responses they got from the public were appauling with people questioning their credibility and redusing their experiences to nothing. In our school curriculum, we have read stories of what's expected from a husband in marriage and that includes disciplining his wife through violence but making sure the bruises don't show to avoid public questioning. One may wonder whether the public would be involved in the matter though if they knew of the abuse. Otherwise, this is a proud practice that may be sidelined but affects many women in relationships, whether married or not. 
I've since read many posts that are against the Why I Stayed hashtag with reasons pushing towards responsibility and choice. The more I read these posts the more I wonder if we're heading the right direction by creating a platform to discuss these issues, or whether we're giving troll a platform to distribute senseless hate!

Statements like "Boys will be boys" perpetuate negative and abusive behavior presented by boys towards girls and women. These give them an excuse to still behave like no rules apply to them while they get a pass for it. It's unfortunate that we live in a society today where girls are still experiencing violence at the hands of their male counterparts but that abuse is still excused by such statements. In the presentation by Bev, she mentioned that the more she tried to escape, the harder it became the longer she stayed. This was influenced by separation from friends and family, lack of independent financial support, dependence on her spouse for everything, as well as the hope she had that her partner would go back to the person she knew that expressed love towards her. In the end, she realized that this is the person she married and she should understand that she is not responsible for someone else's behavior and actions but her own. She managed to gain some courage and security to actually escape from her abusive relationship, and today, about 10 years later she still lives in that space of pushing forward and regaining trust towards other people. 

Women should not be shamed fo staying in abusive relationships because we do not know the situations they are in. This regards to financial status, security, fear for their lives, seclusion from friends and family support, as well as the awareness of their situation that they are indeed living in an abusive relationship. Instead of hate and judgement, we should create platforms where women can feel free and safe to tell their stories in order to open up the conversation as well as create awareness. We should also create spaces that would take in women who flee from these situations and help them rebuild their lives. But the most important thing right now is to also raise a generation that knows and understands that it's not OK to oppress, abuse, and violate another human being for whatever reasons. Statements such as 'boys will be boys' should not be taught.